What is one example of “small stuff” that you let get to you recently?
One thing that I’ve been letting bother me is what people think of me. Am I being a good example to others, do people judge me for the way I look, or am I too soft that people can just walk right over me? These thoughts are in my mind and I try to ignore them the best I can but they always find a way to the service. Living in an all white community, does make me question why I act the way I do. I am mixed, and it’s hard to see what is going in the world and I feel like everyone wants to hear my side, but when I tell them, they disagree. I always believed in love and peace, but seeing everything on the news makes me sad and frustrated. I tell myself that I have a say, and my opinion matters, but why do I doubt myself and hold back. There is always going to be something or someone in my way, but it's my job to keep moving forward. It's crazy to think that we let the “small stuff”, the doubt, go through our minds all the time, when we can just say “Not today.” I feel like if I focus on what other people think then I will never live. Of course you have to be respectful and choose your words carefully, but I don't want the “small stuff” to control my thoughts.
Chapter 2 - Make Peace with Imperfection
How does your ego distract you? Or Ask yourself how those emotions affect your self esteem?
Emotions that affect me are anxiety, stress, frustration, judgement, acceptance, and worry. Everyone sees me as this joyful, full of energy person, which I am no question, but there are some days that I feel this negative energy get heavy on my shoulders and take over. I do my best to hide my emotions because I don’t want to burden anyone with my problems, but it does get hard fighting a battle alone. There are a couple of people that I do reach out to when I am at my lowest but still feel embarrassed. I am the one that people come to for a good laugh or just need a hug or need someone to listen, if I have a bad day who is going to help them with their bad day. I have learned that it is okay to break down, to be emotional, to have a bad day. I don't need to be positive Zoe 24/7, I can scream, I can cry, I can listen to sad music, but I also don't want this negativity thinking it won the battle. I need to come to the realization that I am not perfect and that it's okay to break down, but once I do I need to remember not to let the negativity take over.
Chapter 3 - Let go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Can't Be Superachievers
Thoughts: “When you have what you want (inner peace), you are less distracted by your wants, needs, desires and concerns. It’s thus easier to concentrate, focus, achieve your goals, and to give back to others.”
To me, I think inner peace is when I give all my worry, frustration, and anxiety to God. When we as Christians give all our worry to God, we will finally be in inner peace. We try to fix the situation, to find the answer, but it's simply out of our reach. We drive ourselves mad thinking we have to fix the problem at hand, when only God has that power. When we give it to God, all of the problems and worries just simply go away, he drains out all of our frustrations. We have to trust in God that he knows what is best for us and knows how we can be at peace. I have to have faith in my Savior that he can help me find my inner peace and he has a future for me.
Chapter 4 - Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Think
Do you notice how your body and mind feel when your thinking is out of control?
When my thoughts are getting out of control, I sometimes feel like I can’t breathe. I start to overthink things and I get a headache leading me to feeling that I can't do anything right, that I have lost control over myself. While my head feels like it's overloaded with thoughts, my body starts to react as well. My body reacts in a way that I start to cry it out and feels like everytime I breathe, it escapes my body. I have noticed that my mind tends to feel more out of control then my body; this usually happens probably between 2-3 times every two weeks. When I get in this state I tend to sit by myself and get a cold rag to calm myself down, so I can gain control again and that I can think more clearly. During this season of quarantine, it has gotten worse. I can only pray to find another way to deal with this situation.
Chapter 5 - Develop Your Compassion
Can you recall a time when you made something “big” and dramatic when in reality it was “small” and not that big of a deal?
I feel like every teenager has their own self-esteem issues, and we know that we shouldn’t care but sometimes it gets too “big” for us to handle. I remember always reminding myself that I will never be pretty because I didn’t have the same body shape as everyone else, or have clear skin, or couldn’t be the type of girl that could be in a relationship. It was really hard for me to rap my mind around that I was different, and that’s okay. I was making a big deal out of what society thought about me. I let it fill my mind with negative thoughts and made me change the way I acted and dressed. I do believe that self-esteem is a big deal, but it’s only a big deal if you make it one; if you let it control you. I have done better when it comes to body image and being true to myself. I know that there will be times where I start to think about what society says and thinks, but I just have to focus on myself and find what’s best for me.
Chapter 6 - Remind Yourself that When You Die, Your "In Basket" Won't Be Empty
What does your “in-basket” look like? And will it be there tomorrow…
My in-basket is filled with homework, bible studies, volleyball, starting on college applications and finishing my breakthrough wall (a prayer/ dream wall). There are probably more little things in my in-basket, but at the moment these are the important things at the top of my list. To be honest when it comes to things I have to do or goals I have, I dont have the greatest memory, but when it comes to information I can remember quite clearly. My mind is mainly focused on what is important to me and how it can help me in the future. If I were to die, I don't think anyone would partially care about my in-basket, only because it’s all to-do stuff and personal goals I have. As time goes on, I will probably remember and add more to my in-basket and I can only imagine what will be inside of me.
Chapter 7 - Don't Interrupt Others or Finish Their Sentences
Do you believe you are a strong listener or could use some work? I believe that I am a strong listener; I think of it as I wanna be the person that people come to if they need to talk, vent, or need advice from. Growing up, I always believed that it’s important to think of others before yourself. Being a teenager, we have the tendency to bottle things inside of us which makes us sad and have no energy to do anything. It’s important to be able to talk to someone about your feelings and what is going on in your life. Personally, I feel like most people come to be about advice or just need someone to listen, and I am okay with that, but I felt like I had to be the strong person and something it’s hard to do. Being a good listener, you need to be able to have your attention to the person you are talking to, have no judgements towards the topic, show that you are genuinely listening, and when you are listening it's also a good start to learn.
Chapter 8 - Do Something Nice for Someone Else-and Don't Tell Anyone About It
Recall a time you have given, did you expect acknowledgement?
I remember in elementary school, it was the first time I heard of Random Acts of Kindness and I really wanted to show my appreciation for the Park View teachers. We were already doing so much in leadership at the time of this, so I took it upon myself to do it alone. I only had three days to finish this project, but I was determined to recognize our amazing teachers. I wrote all teachers and other staff members personal letters and made them all little goodie bags. It was a bit overwhelming because I had to keep track of all the other events we were planning, but when it was near the end, it all came together. I went to school early that day to put the gifts in their boxes and hoped that they would like their little surprise. I didn’t really give it much thought of them reaching out to say thank you, but as spreading positive throughout the school, starting with the teachers. Some teachers did contact me to say thank you and that did put a smile on my face, but the real smile was that smile I brought to them.
Chapter 9 - Let Others Have the Glory
Have you experienced someone else 'stomping' on your story (glory)? How did it make you feel? I remember a time when I was in middle school, that one student, that I used to call me friend, would make fun of the way I dressed, looked, and for not having a dad. It did leave a scar on me personally and it was hard to get around. Growing up in an all white community was hard but it wasn’t difficult. I didn’t experience what other black people went through because I was mixed, then again I never realized at the time how different I am from my classmates. Having my so called friend tell me so hurtful things made me think, why am I still friends with her? Is it because she was popular or because I thought she would understand me because we have similar background stories. Looking back now, it doesn’t hurt me as much because I think of it as just another chapter in my story that I get to add.
Chapter 10 - Learn to Live in the Present Moment
What are some ways that you work to stay in the present moment? Some ways that I work to stay in the present moment is that I write it down or I take pictures and put them on my bedroom walls. When I write it helps me feel the emotions I felt in that moment. It brings the moment alive, just like my whole personal storybook. For the pictures, I feel like it's self explanatory. These pictures help me show the moments that happened that I can’t remember myself. It brings me joy looking back at old baby pictures of me and my friends and my mom telling me stories about us. Living in the moment is so precious, but there are going to be times where it's going to be hard to remember such things. That is why I write in my journal and take pictures because it helps me relive that moment in my life.
Chapter 11 - Imagine that Everyone Is Enlightened Except You
Think of a time when you were frustrated, now look at it as a moment of being taught...what did you learn? Just recently, my mother and I found out that our house is being sold. In my mind I was thinking, why of all days and years it had to be now? It’s my last year of high school, Covid-19 is getting worse in the United States, and we have already suffered 2 deaths in the family. Why does this happen right now, did I do something wrong? So many thoughts were going through my mind about the house, school, my future, and it was getting so heavy on my shoulders that I did have a mental breakdown. I am still worried about the whole situation, but it did make me think. Maybe there is a plan for me that I can simply not see, maybe God has a bigger plan for me. The Bible says to trust in God and his time, to have faith in him, I think along the way I lost sight of that. The lesson I learned from this was that everything happens for a reason. Maybe I won’t like the outcome but at least I know that God had my back in everything I do.
Chapter 12 - Let Others Be "Right" Most of the Time
Challenge: the next time you are in a dissuasion/argument, let the other person be right and take notice on the initial feeling that transpires. I didn’t have that many arguments over the week so this is a little more difficult. I don’t know if I give much thought about what I am feeling, but when having those discussions/arguments it gives a better understanding of the situation. I listen more clearly and think about what they are saying. It might not change the way I think, but I do take under consideration how I think about the situation in the future.
Chapter 13 - Become More Patient
Do you ever have a reflective moment when you realize you are so very small in the easy world and really your 'drama' isn't that big of a deal? Most of the time, yes. I have had a rough year and it has really taken a toll on me. As I think back, yes those things hurt me but there is always going to be someone out in the world having it worse. That is always on my mind when I complain about little things or I don’t get what I want. I have to think about that not everyone is as lucky as me.
Chapter 14 - Create "Patience Practice Periods"
Do you have a "Mantra," a statement, that you make to yourself daily or weekly? I don’t necessarily have a Mantra, but if i did it would be, “today is a good day for someone and for me.” I think this starts off the day on a positive note and you are already thinking about someone else’s well being. I think this is important because you are encouraging yourself to do better and to be better.
Chapter 15 - Be the First One to Act Loving or Reach Out
Have you lost a relationship because something “small” created a “big” divide?
Yes, I have lost a dear friendship due something small. We were very close and we thought we would be best friends forever, but i guess that was not meant to be. We were very close and everyone thought me were the iconic duo, but they could not see what lies underneath. In the short story, she used me to get close to someone else. It’s not the fact that we are still upset with one another, just that we grew apart. That’s the sad thing about friendships, you say you would do anything for each other and think it will last forever, but why would let a little upset corrupt a great friendship. I do sometimes miss that certain person, but she did treat me unkindly and only used me to get what she wanted. Maybe this was a sign telling me that this is for the best; to give each other distance. I do forgive her but I know the friendship will never be the same as it was.
Chapter 16 - Ask Yourself the Question, “Will This Matter a Year from Now?”
What do you hope to do a year from now?
I hope that I will be at a college that I enjoy and love; have made some new friends and have kept in touch with my closest friends from home. I hope that I am taking full advantage of the college experience and taking many daring adventures. I see myself keeping up my grades and going to sporting events cheering on my college team. I don’t see myself in a relationship this busy in the season, but maybe further in the year. Hopefully I am involved in a church close by that has given me an internship so I can have a closer and greater relationship with God. I hope that I am trying new things and getting out of my comfort zone.
Chapter 17 - Surrender to the Fact that Life Isn’t Fair
Is life meant to be fair? What does that even mean?
Life comes in different shapes and sizes for each person. Every person thinks about their lives differently, whether it's fair or not, it all depends on the person. If you want something for yourself, you have to work hard and accomplish your goals. If you have no goals in life how are going to make it in the world that is far greater than you. No one can control their life no matter how hard they try. They just have to keep pushing forward and take victory for their accomplishments, but know there will always be problems ahead. You don’t know where life will take you, maybe it will come easy to you or you will be working your hardest all your life. So life is unfair. You just have to roll with the punches.
Chapter 18 - Allow Yourself to be Bored
Do you take time to Be Bored?
I have noticed over the last four years that I am a huge procrastinator. I usually find myself on social media, watching Netflix, reading, or spending time with my friends. I am never bored, but I need to be doing something to fill that emptiness continually. These things that fill my boredom help me relax but, they are also a distraction from important things that need to be done. Being bored has always been a problem for me, but I do soon fill it with something I enjoy. The big problem is that the things that keep me entertained are why I am procrastinating my school work and other essential materials. Yes, I do allow myself to be bored, but I let it control my actions and affect my life style.
Chapter 19 - Lower Your Tolerance to Stress
Have you been taught to believe high stress is a positive thing?
I don’t think I have learned that high stress is a positive thing, but the opposite. Being pilled up with work and feel like you can not breathe is never fun. When I deal with stress, I feel like I can not breathe, and the world is crumbling around me, thus having a mental breakdown. When someone tells me they are under a lot of stress, I can relate to them, and I also worry for them. I think that maybe they react worse than me when having a breakdown and that perhaps they need a friend to listen to what they are going through. Being in high stress is never fun, but it won’t be the end of you; you will live to see another day and become stronger coming out of it.
Chapter 20 - Once a Week, Write a Heartfelt Letter
When is the last time you sat down and wrote a letter to someone with gratitude?
The last time I sat down and wrote a letter to someone with gratitude was our Dude Be Nice Week. I wrote a letter to my best friend, Hailey, to tell her how much I appreciate our friendship. We became friends our freshman year of high school and have spent time together ever since. Whether it was sleepovers, going to school events, taking a trip to the mountains, or just hanging out in my room, these are memories I will cherish for the rest of my life. I was going through, and still am, a difficult time during 2020, and she was there for me even when people didn’t know I was hurting. When writing this letter to her, I got emotional because I couldn’t have asked for a more fabulous best friend. When sharing the letter I wrote to her, tears shed from both of us, definitely a mixture of happy, sad, and funny tears. Going our separate ways next year will be challenging, but I know it won’t be the end of our story. I am so grateful for having Hailey in my life.